G@Y S@Y ~ where is the luv?

I open my email today [*abridged below] and discover this 4-page rambling from the artistic director of my theatre company in my in-box:

Dear Company... I have found that the hardest part of my job, what I do, is working with a multitude of different personalities. Where I am really falling short is learning how to mediate and figuring out how to get the company to get along and also to be kind and respectful of one another. The theatre right now is on the border of sink or swim. We have 2 options. I am choosing to swim... This company is the bleeding heart of the theatre. I have said all of the above to say this: in order for us to move forward, in order for this place to work, in order for our theatre to survive, we MUST be respectful and kind and loving to one another. I never EVER want to hear the words "I hate you" or "I don't like you" or anything negative at all to another member EVER. I have had it. I have really, really had it. Not at our theatre, not while I am here... All I am asking is that starting NOW, we treat each other with dignity and respect. This theatre will not survive one more show, one more season, unless this happens... Starting now, this needs to happen. No more drama. No more talking behind peoples' backs. No more cat fights. No more complaining...

Uh, doesn't he realize that we're a gay theatre company?! I mean, what's a gay theatre company without a good cat fight now and then and again and again?!

In all seriousness, though, I was shocked and saddened. On a personal level and as a whole group, I LOVE each and every one of my members. So, I decided, I had to tell them where the love, my love, was. I wrote a group e-mail, listing each of them by name and explaining why I like, love and (even) lust them so much:

Company of Hotties... I honestly love each and every one of you. I probably don't say it enough. So, here's why...

• Angie ~ Your unwavering compassion and your utter optimism.
• Efrain ~ Your intelligence and your ability to understand my drunk ass when it tries to teach you box office.
• Adam ~ Your confident sense of self and easy ability to talk to.
• Carl ~ Your hard work and your stories about life. You have so much to teach me.
• Melissa ~ Where do I begin... Let's just say you're EASY to get along with.
• Christopher ~ You're willingness to "jump" in... and your smile after every WAY TOO CRUDE joke I make.
• Allain ~ Your talent, on so many levels. Plain and simple.
• David ~ Your "even when I'm stressed, I still have time to laugh at MA's attempts at humor" smile and your ability to somehow respond to EVERY one of my e-mails. (Oh, and it doesn't hurt when you cut me a reimbursement check, too! LOL!)
• Jason ~ For being the funniest man (and man in drag) that I've ever met.
• Graham ~ The fact that your committed to being our historian to end all historians. (Let me know if you need help. I'm a KILLER scrap-booker! LOL!)
• MM ~ Wow. Wow. I just love you. You're my boyfriend away from my boyfriend. And each time, I'm down, I just look at you, smile, and remember that there's still GOOD WILL in the world. (And yes, I DO mean the store!!!)
• Michael O'Hara ~ Your reliability and that you never fail to call me "hot concessions boy" at least once a week. (A girl does like her compliments every now and then.)
• Peter ~ I respect you so much for keeping New Works alive, even when no one really seemed to care.
• Nathan ~ Your cuteness, inside and out, and the fact that you make me not the only boy in the company that has a different hair style every day.
• Tim ~ What can I say. You're the wizard behind the curtain. Our god behind the lighting board. Without you, I'd be in the dark.... uh, quite literally.
• Luke ~ Um, the accent. Need I say more?!
• Patrick ~ Respect for the fact that you've spent more money on gas, getting to our theatre, than I have on drinks at the Abbey. And that's A LOT!
• Brad ~ For helping me clean up Tarlow's puke and for not judging me when I drink too much for multiple days in a row and for matching me, witty verbal barb for bitter bitchy comment after comment.
• Ryan ~ You have such a calm and controlled yet compassionate way of carrying yourself. You've done a lot of really selfless things for some people in the company, and yet you do it on such a small scale that you never make it about you. Way to be such a NOT gay man!
• Jeremy ~ You're fun, you're sexy, you get your shit done and look good doing it. (I hate you. LOL!)
• Todd ~ For reminding me that sexy, cool gay men still exist in this city.
• Mike T ~ The complexity of your talent. Plain and simple.
• Leon ~ For having made me feel comfortable around you from the very first minute I met you and every moment since then.

I love you all. So, WHOEVER it is that is fighting, stop it. I'm having flashbacks to that time my dad smacked me in the lobby of Denny's and my mom threw hot coffee on him and my sister called the police but they didn't come because the manager told them that he didn't want the cops to disturb the other customers on CHRISTMAS DAY. (True story.) So, stop fighting and love each other. My fragile sense of sanity cannot take another metaphoric (or literal) Denny's beating. Much love... MA

Can't we all just get long?! Here, here, TheatreQueers! Here, here!