The 411 on Online Hook-ups
Last call at your favorite bar leaves you lonely. It's 2AM; do you know where your hook-up is? Intoxicated and itching for some ol' fashioned man-on-man companionship, you stumble home and drunk dial each and every former fling in your cell. But to no avail. Turning to the final frontier in after-hours courtship, you log online, but a cruisey CraigsList search leaves you confused: VGL 39y/o D&D vers ISO generou$ m&m Bi-Boi 4 NSA fun!
It’s not the beer goggles that have you befuddled; you’d have to be an anagram expert to decode this personal ad. Lucky for you, GLaC BiD's got the low-down on your next online homo hook-up!
VGL
Definition: Very Good Lucking
What it means: This self-proclaimed stud has a jaw line so chiseled that it cuts glass and a washboard stomach so ripped that doubles as a laundry machine.
What it really means: He’s got a face that only a mother could love, and his gym membership expired 40 awkwardly-placed pounds ago.
39y/o
Definition: 39-Years-Old
What it means: Your trick was born in 1967.
What it really means: At best, your trick was 11 in 1967.
D&D
Definition: Drug-Free & Disease-Free
What it means: This clean, sober, and upstanding citizen follows the laws of La La Land and treats his body like a well-tended temple.
What it really means: That mysterious rash has finally gone away, and he’s itching to party and play.
vers
Definition: Versatile
What it means: Between the sheets, he’s everything and anything you need him to be.
What it really means: He spends so much time with his legs in the air that (both sets of) his cheeks are perpetually flushed.
ISO
Definition: In Search Of
What it means: To look for.
What it really means: To desperately and drunkenly scower the internet for fresh meat until the break of dawn.
generou$
Definition: To Be Charitable
What it means: Your man truly understands that a friend in need is a friend indeed.
What it really means: The lights will remain off. Services will be rendered. Money will exchange hands.
m&m
Definition: Masculine & Muscular
What it means: Your boy-toy acts like a cocky frat brother and looks like a bonafide gym-bunny.
What it really means: When he’s sober, he can control his limp-wristed wave, but his sibilant “Sssssssss” is sure to slip out after a few shots of Smirnoff.
Bi-Boi
Definition: Young Bisexual Male
What it means: A youthful, XY-chromosome-carrying individual that will sleep with just about anything.
What it really means: A young-enough, man-ish looking individual who will sleep with just about anything.
4
Definition: For
What it means: To willingly participate in.
What it really means: To understand that “No!” means “Yes!” and “Yes!!” means “Harder!!!”
NSA
Definition: No Strings Attached
What it means: An agreement that, after sex, there will be no further communication.
What it really means: Change your e-mail address, and guard your cell phone number; otherwise, you’ll find yourself the center of a full-blown, post-BJ stalking.
fun
Definition: Sex
What it means: An intense and impassioned union of souls.
What it really means: A self-conscious and sweaty “is-it-over-yet?” bump in the night.
In a world where anyone can be anything they want to be, remember that a pre-hook-up picture is worth a thousand words… but PhotoShop can turn every the beastliest of boys into a buffed beauties. So surf at your own risk!
1 comment:
HIGH-sterical!
Post a Comment