aMuSiNG MuSiNG ~ creative or creepy?

So, I'm trying to get a writing agent... like every other industry-adjacent assistant in this City of Superficial Angels. Now granted, I've had a few writing "jobs" (term used loosely)... but my resume isn't bleeding over onto a 2nd page, if you know what I mean.

Thus, I've decided to enact my creativity in comprosing my resume. Below the typical "Objective", "Work Experience", and "Training" sections, I've decided to include:

WHaT MY MaTCH.CoM PRoFiLe MiGHT SaY aBouT Me…

iF I HaD a MaTCH.CoM PRoFiLE!

Age: 20’s-ish
Location: Hollywood Hills Upslope
Sex: Get me my 1st job, and we’ll talk!
Title: M4Rep ~ XXXtremely Talented Writer ISO Agent 4 Long-term Relationship
Ad: I’ve been around the (writer’s) block, but me and my Bic are ready to settle down. Looking 4 my Dream Agent 2 share lots of LOL’s and 10% with. I like long walks in the Beverly Center and romantic low-carb dinners by energy-efficient light. U should look like your writing specs, because I do. Oh, and no Reality TV, please. I’m not anti-unscripted or anything, but I like my drama raw.

Too much for a comedy writer's resume? Who knows! My queries go out today, and I'll keep y'all posted. I know you're waiting with baited blog-reading breath!