WHeRe iN THe WoRLD... ~ MiCHaeL aNTHoNY & the beaches of Sitges

As I descend into the busy bowels of Barcelona’s underground train station, an onslaught of impatient European travelers elbow passed me. My swollen feet are going nowhere fast. Having just circuit-danced my way from Greece to Spain on a fabulously exhaustive Atlantis cruise of the Mediterranean, I stagger with a limp that Dr. Scholl himself cannot remedy.

I strain to keep pace with the post-siesta urban exodus, but my injurious saunter proves to be no match for the quick-moving momentum of RENFE-riding locals. Like a sluggish Pamplonian bull runner, I am trampled; the contents of my Louis Vuitton travel clutch disperse every which way along the platform.

“Just how many extra-small tanks tops does one bottom need?!” my boyfriend and 16-day, 24/7-travelmate mutters.

My bloodshot eyes pierce his soul with a stone-cold shut-up-before-I-stab-you-in-the-throat glare. For the first time, I comprehend the real reason that airport security prohibits sharp objects in carry-on baggage: travel-related spousal slayings.

Don’t get me wrong; our Mediterranean excursion was nothing short of storybook splendor. Navigating the romantic waterways of Venice, scaling the steep hillsides of Santorini, and exploring the shocking remains of Pompeii fashioned just a few of the many unforgettable memories that will last us a lifetime. But after spending more than two weeks at sea, crammed into a cabin that even old Mother Hubbard would characterize as close quarters, my cohabitational civility had become infected with homicidal tendencies.

“Get your ever-expanding ass on that train,” I stammer; a verbal assault on his post-buffet waistline is far more painful than any physical punch I can procure in my fatigued state.
Luggage totes in tow, we board the rail destined for the coastal community of Sitges. Hailed as “the Provincetown of Europe” for its queer-friendly sensibilities, the Barcelonan sister city sounded like the perfect culmination in our international expedition. But as our trek down the Spanish seascape ensues, my idealism wanes; I question if any vacation destination can rectify our post-traveling stress disorder… until I experience my first Sitgean sunset.

Accustomed to the technicolor blaze that is Los Angeles at dusk, it takes a moment for me to fully appreciate this skyline’s simplistic beauty. Without smog and pollution to enhance the refraction, the hues are almost rudimentary; basic blues slowly engulf the sun’s orange and red haze. The uncomplicated color palette that brings me back to the stargazing of my midwestern youth; it is natural awe on the most effortless of levels.

The growing darkness induces a calm that even the best prescription cannot replicate. Tranquility permeates the Spanish air, filling my lungs and clearing my travel-weary anxieties. For the first time since boarding the non-stop discotheque otherwise known as our gay cruise liner, my liver is Bacardi-free and my ear drums are sans house music. I no longer harbor the reflexive urge to impale my partner; the impulse to silence his sardonic sarcasm with a blunt object to the trachea has dissipated completely.

In silence, we embrace as the sea and sky slowly merge, etching out the sun’s inferno. Once again, all is well in my heart-shaped world, and thus begins our idyllic and much-needed post-vacation vacation.

For many relationships, life after an all-gay cruise is littered with couple’s counseling and penicillin prescriptions; however, for my partner and me, the road to after-vacation harmony was unearthed by the beautiful wonders of Sitges, Spain (www.sitges.org). From breath-taking sunsets to unique boutique shopping and all-hour dance parties, this seaside city was just what the Love Doctor ordered to get our LTR back on track.

With a modest population of 12,000 residents, the Mediterranean jewel is well-kept European travel secret. Located 20 miles outside the mega-metropolis of Barcelona, a beachside border and mountainous ridge clandestinely shroud the unaffected village, preserving its old world charm. Strolling along the cobblestone streets of Old Towne, one truly feels as if he has stepped back in time; it is on these 19th-century walkways where the modernism movement was birthed and artists like Salvador Dali and Antoni Gaudi found their inspiration. The Museu Cau Ferrat and Museu Romàntic are must-see museums for all Spanish history buffs.

Old Towne gives way to a 10-block-by-10-block pedestrian shopping district that boasts a fashion-forward extravaganza. Queer-enthused clothiers like DIVE and Boy Zone are guaranteed to add chic shock to one’s wardrobe, while modern art galleries such as Pigmalion and The Rainbow Art Studio sell a conversation piece to compliment every man’s castle.

Sitges never sleeps, and bar-hopping in this sexually-progressive town is sure to exhaust even the most seasoned party animal. Because happy hour doesn’t begin until 10PM, a quick catnap at siesta is a nightlife necessity. A typical evening of debauchery commences on the Calle del Pecado, otherwise known as Sin Street, where ten hole-in-the-wall clubs vie for tourists’ attention; Parrot’s Pub is the homo-hotspot, and bear-boys keep the enticing terrace packed.

At midnight, the party migrates to New Bourbon’s or Privilege, where the drinks flow as freely as the boys’ flirtations. 2AM awakens the local DJ’s, and the revelry rages on at Mediterraneao and Orek’s. And finally, around 4AM, diehard dancers sashay to the circuit-discos of Organic and Trailer to get down and dirty at the nightly themed parties, which usually include foam and lack clothing.

The-morning-after often requires a heavy dose of sobering respite, and the gay beaches of Sitges are an ideal place to recuperate. For 5 euros, one can rent a seaside beach chair; an additional 15 euros will get you an invigorating 60-minute massage. But arrive early, as space at the Playa del Muerto is limited, and the sun-loving gays congregate quickly.

Dining and lodging go hand-in-hand in this slow-paced beach town. The newly opened La Santa Maria Hotel boasts 57 beautiful sea-view rooms, and its restaurant’s award-winning paella, a local dish consisting of rice a shellfish, makes for a mouth-watering treat. Those longing for an old world experience should book themselves into the Romàntic Hotel for its sumptuous period-styled accommodations. And for the sweet-tooth in every traveler, not to be missed is the café con leche of El Capuccino and the delectable desserts of Xocolatl.

Despite its historic appearance, Sitges is arguably the most progressive stop on the Costa Daurada. The city’s accepting nature, combined with its first-rate accommodations, has made it a gay travel mecca for all-things fabulous. Carnaval, a 7-day sexually-ambiguous spectacle that culminates with an exhibitionist-enthused gay parade, and the exceedingly queer Sitges International Theatre Festival are two of the many city-sponsored calendar events.

As proven by its recent legalization of gay marriage, Sitges not only tolerates queer travelers but welcomes them with unabashed and open arms. From swinging singles in search of a hot and heavy rendezvous to traveling lovers in need of some relationship R&R, LGBT-travelers are trekking in droves to experience first-hand what Europeans have known for years: Sitges, Spain is more than just a fashionable place to vacation; it’s an serene getaway to glitter and be gay.