SEXpert adVICE ~ HoW 2 D-CoDe a D8iNG DeaLBReaKeR!

You’re showing your about-to-be-exclusive boy-toy off to a group of friends over dinner. Politics come up, and you offer up the always-appropriate observation: “The only Bush I trust is my own.” While everyone laughs heartily, your beau-to-be chortle-snorts piggishly. Deal-Breaker!

You’re cruising down the PCH. With the convertible top down, you relish in the Sunday afternoon summer breeze as it whips through your hair… until Barbra Streisand comes on over the XM airwaves. He turns it up; not only does he know all the words, but he gesticulates with Babs-inspired hand movements. Deal-Breaker!

We’ve all been there before; two months into monogamy, thinking you’ve found Mr. Right, until the too-good-to-be-true Deal-Breaker rears its ever-ugly head. Sometimes, there’s a simple solution; other times, it’s a one-way ticket to Dumpsville.

Either way, it’s a fine line, and here’s how to decode the difference.

The Slight-And-Subtle Deal-Breaker
Example: He gets his mullet coiffed at SuperCuts.
Definition: Your Nana would call him a “Schlep”, and your fag-hag would call him a “Slob”.
Severity: Low-grade.
Resolution: Educate your Neanderthal in SoCal’s finer things. From grooming to dining to dressing, expose your beau to betterment. You’d be surprised at what sticks!

The Petite-Yet-Permanent Deal-Breaker
Example: He’s got heinous halitosis.
Definition: One man’s trick is another man’s treasure. Learn to love it or leave it, because these issues, albeit trivial, aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.
Severity: Mild to moderate.
Resolution: Make a list: “What do I want?” vs. “What does he have?”. If one column outweighs the other, you’ve got your “Should I stay or should I go?” solution.

The Silent-But-Deadly Deal-Breaker
Example: He can’t commit without Mommy’s consent.
Definition: Whether it’s a personality disorder or character quirk, what lies beneath his surface is far freakier than any exterior imperfection.
Severity: Danger, Homo-Robinson! Danger!
Resolution: The grass is definitely greener on the other side, so cut on out of there!

There’s plenty of fish in the sea and twice as many singles in SoCal, so don’t let a dating deal-breaker break you. Follow the old adage: if you can’t fix him, dump him!