HoMo HoW 2 ~ overCUMing the 1-year tickle!

15 Tips from LTR-Veterans on Scratching It… Without Rubbing your Mate Raw

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again; gay dating is for the dogs! The slobbery kisses, the continual trick-turning, the public butt-sniffings by complete and utter strangers; yes, the single’s scene is tough enough to make any gay want to settle down into the humdrum of LTR-dom.

Although there is a calming comfort in coupling off, conjugal bliss often brings marital monotony. And while our breeder-buddies tend to experience the boredom of relationship repetitiveness in their 7th year (aka: the 7-Year Itch), we gays seem to mature in dog years. Like our K-9 companions, life just matriculates quicker for us; our lust usually busts around month 12 (otherwise known as: the 1-Year Tickle).

But there’s no reason to toss your baby out with love’s proverbial bathwater. Instead, take these tips, from some of SoCal’s most venerable LTR-veterans, to heart. You can have your 1-Year Tickle and scratch it too!

The Newlyweds ~ Jon & Steven
The Actor & the Actor
Location ~ Hollywood
Together ~ 1 year
Met ~ While working on a play
LTR-Pro ~ According to Steven: “Having a friend that you love to wake up next to every morning.”
LTR-Con ~ According to John: “Dealing with all the other gay men that do not respect your relationship.”

Tip #1 ~ Take Stock in What You’ve Got
For better or worse is easy when love’s got the better of your relationship. But when things take a temporary turn for the worse (and they always will), it’s important to remember your partner’s more positive traits. As Steven puts it: “Although someone new may look more appealing… always remember that the grass is never greener.” In short, when the going gets tough, stand by your man!

Tip #2 ~ Play Games with Each Other
When two become one, it’s easy to fall into a routine, especially when it comes to sex. If you want to keep your mate interested, it’s important to continually explore each other fantasies. From the naughty to the romantic to the just plain silly, edging your comfort zones with a little erotica is sure to revitalize even the most mundane of bedrooms. Jon’s solution for sexual dissolution? “Strip Mortal Combat!!!”

The Not-So Newlyweds ~ Tami & Tara
The Writer & the Interactive Media Consultant
Location ~ Los Angeles
Together ~ 2 years
Met ~ Through friends at a party
LTR-Pro ~ According to Tami: “Having no doubt how I feel about her and how she feels about me at all times.”
LTR-Con ~ According to Tara: “Their family becomes yours and vice-versa… but that hasn’t been an issue for us.”

Tip #3 ~ Nix Cupid
“Never celebrate Valentine’s Day!” Tami emphatically states. “It’s a bullshit holiday! Everybody makes a big deal out of it. We celebrate our relationship daily, not when Hallmark tells us to.” And that won’t set you back $3.95 a card!

Tip #4 ~ Weather Changes Together
The road to LTR-love is paved with happiness but also many hardships. From layoffs and sicknesses to money troubles and family issues, taking care of your mate’s emotional state is an important two-way street. “We say ‘through thick and thin’… give or take 25 pounds,” explains Tara. “So we keep each other in shape, keep communicating and keep kissing.” Life changes people, so it’s vital that you and your mate make an effort to change together.

The Lusters-Turned-Lovers ~ Michael & David
The Writer & the Information Technology Director
Location ~ Hollywood
Together ~ 3.5 years
Met ~ Through an ex’s ex of an ex… over one-too-many Marix tortillas.
LTR-Pro ~ According to David: “My partner… which, in some ways, is also my con!”
LTR-Con ~ According to Michael: “Going to sleep with the knowledge that, night after night, the kindest and hottest man in West Hollywood is right by my side.”

Tip #5 ~ Authenticate your Individuality
“There came I time when ‘me’ and ‘I’ had disappeared from my vocabulary,” explains Michael. “Everything was ‘us’ and ‘ours’… and I just about forgot what it was like to be an individual. I love to act. I love to dance. So I started taking classes by myself! And it was the best thing that I could have ever done for our relationship!” Getting passionate about your own life again will not only make you a happier individual, but it will make you a much more interesting partner.

Tip #6 ~ Get Out of Dodge
Let’s face it; SoCal’s a nice place to live, but there’s a million other places that LTR-er’s ought to visit. “Experiencing new destinations together and sharing new adventures always shakes things up for us and brings us closer together,” David offers. A day trip to Santa Barbara can be just an enlivening as a month-long jaunt to Barcelona; so get your vacation schedules in line, and get packing!

Tip #7 ~ Get your Flirt On!
“Flirt with each other,” encourages David. “That suggestive wink, playful nuzzle, or salacious grope in a crowded bar goes a long way to remind him of how hot he is to you.” Lovey-dovey words are nice, but touch is exponentially sexy; let your fingers do your talking, and flirt physically.

The Amour-Experts ~ John S & John M
The Graphic Artist & the Entertainment Creative Director
Location ~ West Hollywood
Together ~ 5 years
Met ~ On a circuit party dance floor
LTR-Pro ~ According to John S: “We have so much fun together… He really makes me smile and laugh.”
LTR-Con ~ According to John M: “He snores!”

Tip #8 ~ Think Thoughtful
A dozen roses are nice, but where’s the personal touch? Says John M, “John is always surprising me with trips and gifts… which don’t have to be expensive. They just need to be thoughtful.” After a year, you ought to know your significant other’s likes and dislikes. So be sure to throw a punch of personalized pizzazz into every little present and surprise; a $10 trinket, when enthused a little individuality, is sure to make your mate feel like a million bucks.

Tip #9 ~ Continue to Date your Mate
Court your partner like you did when you first met. Don’t assume he’s free for dinner; ask him out. Make a reservation. Dress to impress. Order a fancy bottle of wine. Engage him emotionally and emphatically. “We try and have a date night once a week,” explains John S. “Otherwise we get too caught up in other obligations, and don’t get to spend an evening together alone.” And be sure to pick up the check!

Tip #10 ~ Define Relationship
When it comes to sex, is your union opened or closed? Do you plan on having kids, pets, both or neither? Who pays the bills, and who wears the pants? “Define what a ‘relationship’ is for you, not what you think it SHOULD be,” urges John M. Remember that different folks yearn for different strokes; it’s not important that you always agree with your significant other, but agreeing on the relationship’s boundaries and overall objectives is the key to long-term success.

Tip #11 ~ Work It, Work It
Coupling up is not an excuse for fattening up. “Keep going to the gym,” advises John M. “You’re married, not dead.” A svelte six-pack and perky bubble-butt make for great eye-candy, but a general sense of physical wellness is what really counts. Keeping active will not only retain your step’s youthful spring, but it will give you the sustained energy to make time for your man, even after a hectic day of life’s little must-do’s.

The Relationship Veterans ~ Ken & Jim
The Architect & the Realtor
Location ~ Laguna Beach
Together ~ 8 years
Met ~ On a country western dance floor in Phoenix
LTR-Pro ~ According to Jim: “It’s comforting… because I’m too OLD for the dating scene!!”
LTR-Con ~ According to Ken: “Not getting laid… as much!”

Tip #12 ~ Bring Both of you SexyBack’s Back
Hooking up shouldn’t be reserved for special occasions only. “Make sure your daily life includes sex,” Jim recommends. “Give your partner an erotic massage. Host a naked dinner party. Have a dress up day when one of you wears the skirt and pumps while he carries the tool belt. Alternate roles.” Even if it’s just a simple slap-and-tickle, don’t let two weeks go by without getting your man off.

Tip #13 ~ Honor Honesty
Nothing erodes the foundation of a relationship faster than mistrust; even a little while lie can give way to a big blackhole of relationship-wariness. “Always tell the truth,” encourages Ken. “Even after you just screwed the neighbor’s pool boy.” Sometimes a couple’s deepest connections are unearthed when working through problems; so stay real with each other, and avoid those perhaps-fatal fibs.

The LTR-Lifers ~ Bill & Steve
The Instructional Designer & the Software Manager
Location ~ Coto Orange County
Together ~ 21 years
Met ~ On a broken-down bus in Chicago
LTR-Pro ~ According to Steve: “Mutual support and understanding.”
LTR-Con ~ According to Bill: “Having to pretend I’m interested in Henry VIII and all six of his wives. When, oh when, will the BBC stop making movies with this same storyline?!”

Tip #14 ~ Play to Lose… Sometimes
Pick and choose your battles. Being the bigger man; remember that being the first to say ‘I’m sorry’ is usually more important than being right. In the game of life, it’s truly not about winning or losing; the secret to making an LTR work is empowering your partner. Bill jokes: “Even if it means letting him win at Scrabble every once in a while.”

Tip #15 ~ Live & Love Lightly
“Keep things light,” advises Steve. “You’ve got to have a sense of humor about yourself and your relationship; don’t take either too seriously. Remember that your partner really is your better half!” After all, laughter is love’s best medicine.

May you and your mate love long and prosper!